The endless pursuit of control can make a pessimist of the best of us. Control is an illusion. The pursuit of control is foolishness.
I spent 45 years of my life in addiction. Control was entirely elusive to me. I kept operating under the notion that I needed to get control of myself and my behavior. When I finally joined a 12 Step group, I discovered that the pursuit was control was my problem. I wanted life on my terms and when I didn’t get it on my terms, I was hurt, frustrated, angered and those were the times I used.
In 12 Steps I learned to give control to God. A notion that seemed contrary to everything I had ever learned about life and living. To the degree that I am successful at letting God have control of my life, I am happy, content and at peace with the circumstances of my life. And, I am free of my addictive behaviors. Whenever I attempt to take back control of my life, I spin out of control and back toward the destructive behavior that has kept me in bondage for so many years.
All around me I see people who are earnestly seeking to control the circumstances of their lives. Some times they even have the illusion that they are succeeding. Always, though, something eventually shatter’s the illusion. Here someone gets cancer. There someone is arrested for dishonest business practices. Here the sewer backs into someones lovely home. There a tornado knocks one down. Here obsolescence puts someone out of business. There a freak accident takes a life. Here a healthy bread winner contracts MS. There a slouch wins the lottery.
Don’t suppose I list all of these things in a spirit of doom and gloom. Quite the contrary. God is in his heaven and all is right with the world. What is wrong is with us. We keep trying to make the world what it is not. Our governments and politicians keep trying to take the risk out of our lives. The insurance companies and investment firms do the same. All in an effort to control and make more secure, a world that was designed to be insecure. That’s right! This world, by design is insecure, unsettling, dangerous and flawed. The reason? To help us develop faith in Jesus Christ. To help us learn to put our trust in God.
God designed this world to be a field of experience for us, not a sheltering cradle. What is the value in sending us here to be protected from the experience that would develop us in character and strength sufficient for our edification and eventual exaltation. There is none. We should know this. None of us keep our own children in a protective cocoon. Why would He?
We knew what we were getting into before we got here. We were offered a sheltering, buffering, growth inhibiting plan and we rejected it in favor of this risky, dangerous one. Why would we do such a thing? Because we knew there was no growth in a zero resistance environment and our objective in coming here was to grow.
One of the great lessons we need to learn in this experience we call life is that God is in control. He is actively involved in the circumstances of our lives. Those circumstances are tailor made for each of us. He knows what we need to learn and while we’d often rather take easy, elective courses in the curriculum of our lives; He insists we also take the required courses. He knows what preparation we need to enable our return to dwell with Him and He will see that we get it.
In my 12 Step group they often tell resistant new comers something to this effect: You may not be ready now, but continue in the direction you are going and God will get you ready. The consequences God chooses to correspond with your choices will eventually humble you to the point of preparation. “When the pain of the problem becomes greater than the pain of the solution, you’ll become willing to change.” The Book of Mormon calls that being “compelled to be humble.” Over time I’ve come to see how beautiful a concept that really is.
God doesn’t take our freedom from us. We are entirely free to choose. But, through the pain of consequence, God humbles us. He teaches us that control is not ours it is His. He teaches us that if we will accept His omnipotence and turn our will over to Him, then we can be entrusted with His power. Consider Jesus Christ. Jesus never did anything without the direction and aprobation of His Father. Our initial glance might wonder, “Where is the freedom in that?” But look at His life! He was free to turn water into wine, to calm the sea, to walk on water, to heal the sick, to raise the dead (including you and I, both physically and spiritually.) I submit that He was freer than any man who ever walked the earth. His power came from giving control to God. Had he sought control for himself the only possible outcome would have been disaster for all mankind.
God made us weak. ” And if men come unto me I will show unto them their aweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27) This sweet verse makes it plain that God intends to use the weakness of mortality to compel humility in us to the intent that we will put our trust in Him rather than ourselves, whereby He can give us power. With that in mind consider the difficulties we experience in life, the “thorn’s in the flesh” if you will. Is it not possible to view even difficulty and disaster with an optimistic eye? Of course it is. To me the difficult times are even more, a manifestation of God’s love, grace and goodness, than are the pleasant sweet things that we most often consider blessings from Him.
While those, difficult times, may bring loss, sorrow, pain, bewilderment, confusion and set backs, they also bring, patience, courage, resolve, faith, introspection, insight, repentance and strength. The pessimistic emphasis, on the former gifts of difficulty, comes of wanting to own control. The optimistic view, of the latter results, comes of granting control to God and trusting in Him and His wisdom.
If you’d like to make the switch from pessimism to optimism in this regard, here’s a little hint. I can express it in just one word – frustration. Frustration is the exclusive indicator of our futile attempts to be in control. If you feel frustrated let that be a red flag that pops up to remind you that, once again, you’ve sought to take control away from God and keep it for yourself. That little barometer of frustration can be a most useful tool. Use it. Relieve the pressure in your life by giving control back to God. You’ll be amazed at how much more optimistic you’ll become.
